Could my weight loss cause my husband to eventually divorce me?
Spn_Dr asked:
My husband, although he is a great looking guy, is becoming very insecure in our marriage simply because I am loosing weight.
My husband, although he is a great looking guy, is becoming very insecure in our marriage simply because I am loosing weight.
The process is slow because I am loosing weight the natural way… proper diet and exercise.
Please keep in mind that I have not changed on the inside… I am the same person and I love my husband with all my heart.
However, he doesn’t like the extra “attention” I am getting and says he wants his old wife back. Keep in mind… I don’t see the “attention” he is referring to. Yet, this situation is causing stress in our relationship.
Ask him why he feels this way? Are you big enough that your weight was causing health problems? Reassure him you still love him you just want to look your best for him.
it mite not..just talk about the issue..if he actrually cares and loves you he wont divorce you over a stupid thing like guys staring at you to much..
You should talk to him and tell him that you have not changed and that you want to feel good about yourself and losing weight is a good way to start. Tell him he doesn’t need to be insecure about your relationship and that you love him and alsways will.
Remind your husband that all that extra weight is not good for your health, especially your heart. Women suffer from heart disease without having any noticeable symptoms and it kills. Does he want you to be fat and unhealthy just to satisfy his own insecurity? If he doesn’t get over it, suggest you two go to counseling together to find out why he is so insecure.
sounds like he is pretty insecure and is afraid someone will take you from him — how much weight have you lost
I think your weight might have shifted a bit to your head. Sorry dear, but if you were the same person, He wouldn’t have any issue, instead you would be his trophy wife.
I know things change, personalities, confidence, I am going through the same thing….. but my love and attention to my significant other….(who is a bit older than me) is still just as strong, and he is very encouraging in whatever I do.
It sounds as though he has serious self esteem problems and need extra reassurance from you. Pay him a little extra attention and tell him that you love him. Sit down and have a real heart to heart talk with him out it. Explain to him that weight-loss can be healthy and natural. Try to include him in your daily routine. Remember, it is not necessarily the weight-loss that is the problem, but it still could end a relationship.
If he does he’s a looser and you can do better than him! It’s HIS problem not yours. TALK to him.
Congrats and keep up the good work!
Gosh he is insecure. You have to tell him that you love him and you always want to be with him. Explain that you were not feeling good about youself and felt unless you lost weight you would eventually become ill. Tell his poor little ego that you are doing it just for him so you can enjoy every moment with him far into the future
You are losing weight (loose is what your pants are becoming) and this is something you need to discuss with him. Make sure he knows that you are getting fit for you, and for your life together…he’s feeling insecure and y’all need to address that. Does he mistrust you? If so, why? If not, then have an issue with you becoming more fit and physically attractive?
Oh yes, and bravo you on the weightloss! I’ve been there, it’s not easy!
yes, because fat girls need luvin’ too
don’t worry and keep losing your weight. i was the same and he was asking alot of question and why why why….. but after awhile when he saw there is nobody else and i do my weight loss for myself, now he is good and don’t bother me anymore.
Tell him that you re losing weight for him to be proud of his wife & to be beutiful in his eyes make it look romantic that is everything you do is for him, wish you all the best
Tell him a little white lie, that you dont feel attractive enough for him, and that you want to feel **** around him, and all around feel better about yourself and make him feel better about you. Tell him that you love him no matter what.
You can also go on about the health risks and you just want to be healthier so you can be around him longer and have more energy.
This is certain to effect your marriage slightly, but it shouldnt end it. Ask him to do it with you, so he can feel better about himself and realize that your not doing it for attention from other guys, your doing it for him
use it to your advantage, show him that a smaller version of you is a turn on..wear something **** and see through for him…show him that you have more energy now and can move better that the old you could..make him proud to show you off..hes just a little bit insecure with himself. he wont like it that other men will respond to you but if you prove you still only have eyes for him. he will grow used to the idea of a new, smaller you
He should be happy to have a wife that is attractive to others but belongs to him. If he wants you to gain weight so he can feel more secure, he has a problem. Being overweight is not good for your health, does he know that?? And if he does bring up divorce because of this, the guys needs a therapist.
You need to start by reassuring him and showing him how much you really care about him. This is a fragile thing for a guy – he truly loves you and is concerned that you are going to find someone thinner, more attractive (in his opinion), or change your personality to go with your new body. He is just terribly insecure right now. Sit him down and tell him that he is causing unnecessary stress in the relationship, and that he need not worry. Communicate as precisely as possible that you don’t want anyone else, he will get used to it.
If, for some odd reason he just can’t handle it, then there’s a problem and it doesn’t involve you or your weight loss – it’s just a way of him trying to blame something.
Just talk it out and you will be fine. Take care, and best wishes.
He needs to be convinced that he is the one you love & want & that you are losing weight for your health & your own self esteem. Now that you’re (in his eyes) looking more & more gorgeous, he’s afraid you will want someone else who better looking. In his mind, he evidently doesn’t have a lot of self esteem or confidence. Anyway, you both may need to go to counseling. That way you will have someone to help you convince him that you love him & that to you, he is the most good looking guy around. Good luck
just go up to him look him in the eyes and tell him to look at u deep in ur eyes too.it might seem dumb but if u haven’t changed on the outside through your eyes he’ll see ur heart. just explain to him that u will live longer cuz u in shape and its not always all about him or both of u sometimes u gotta do something for yourself something that’ll make u happy.if he loves u like he says he does,he would be right there supportin u by yourside. just tell him how u feel about the situation and i’m sure he’ll understand
Your husband is insecure & jelous. He’s afraid that you’ll be so flattered by all this new attention that you’ll lose interest in him, that you’ll think you can do better than him, &/or that you’ll want to experience the fun-party life as a singe person because its been so long since you’ve felt so good about yourself & experienced that.
All you can do is reassure him that he’s yours & your his and losing weight won’t become between you – only his attitude towards you about the weight loss could cause that. He’ll slowly get used to the new you, & once he relizes he can still trust you, he’ll lighten up.
you need to tell him you are the same person and you are still in much love with and there will never be any one else to replace him. and the attention you dont see and all the attention that you want is from him. and your lossing the weight for yourself to make yourself feel good not for the attention and tell him there is nothing to get worried about im with you and im happy with you and prove to him by all of it.
First of all GOOD for you for losing weight the right way. In my experience Your husband is a little jealous. Yes it does come with the territory. My wife has lost a lot of weight recently and looks relay good. I personally notice guys look at and flirt with her. She reassures me on a regular basis the we are okay. No you are not the same person you were before you started to lose weight. You are more confident and comfortable with yourself. You just need to remember that he is looking at you too. He will notice things you don’t and he needs “attention” from you. Start flirting with him and show him that he is the one you want to be **** for. Your self confidence will show and if it is directed at him it might make things a little easier on both of you. Good luck and congratulations.
I once read a study that said when one of the spouses loses weight and the other remains overweight or out of shape, then there marriage has a 50/50 chance of making it. I lost over 150 lbs. and it did eventually cause me and my ex to divorce. I think that if you talk to him and let him know that you are doing this for your health and that you love him no matter what either of your sizes are then all will work itself out. Good Luck with both your weight and your marriage!
men dont adjust well to any change. even something as simple as a different haircut can be confusing to them. but i think if he really cares, he would be more understanding and try to see through things properly. maybe you can tell him that you feel healthy at your new weight and therefore happy. but that you want to make him happy so its making you sad. and ask him how he feels. have a heart to heart.
Honey, listen to what you’re saying. It sounds as if you might be a tad overweight, I don’t know as you don’t say. You’re right, he is very insecure, and if he thinks he needs to have his wife overweight so no one will look at her, there is something very wrong with him. It’s jealousy, and that’s a sickness. You need to lose weight not only to be healthy, but because it will raise your self esteem and you’ll feel better about yourself. Most men would be happy to see their wives taking care of themselves and looking good. Many husbands would be embarrassed if their wife was overweight and some may not even want to be seen with them. However, a normal, healthy, secure man would be very proud to show off his “trophy wife” and have others look at her. They actually enjoy the envy of other men — sort of a “Ha Ha – I’ve got her, and you don’t!” They are proud because it says a lot about HIS taste in women. Your husband needs counseling to address his own insecurities. Assure him that you are losing weight not only to be healthy, but also because you want to look sexier for HIM. If this issue is enough to cause stress in your marriage, you’ll need to think hard about living with this man for the rest of your life. It will only get worse. Divorce may actually set you free. Good luck, keep losing the weight (for yourself). And please remember – it’s about YOU, not him.
Hey its me in case you dont know just ask any of the females here i’am the feminist/male chauvnist split personality.
I dont know whether you will even read my answer but i just couldnt help replying to it.
If he loves you then it doesent matter whether you lose weight or not , whether you are 18 or 80 , he will trust you because he knows that famous oldie number “She wears my ring on her finger tips to show the world that she is mine eternally”.
Perhaps because he mistrusts other males so much and knows just how imporant you are to him he is very scared deep inside , maybe you should show him you are a strong woman capable of keeping other bulls away from what he thinks is sacred to him.
Try instilling confidence in him or another tactics is pretend you are insecure about him and other women he will realize how absurd the idea is.
It touches my heart when you said i still love him with my whole heart.
Knock some sense into that lucky dog,you are the wife.
Good luck and be happy both of you.
I know the feeling, I have lost a total of 102lbs surgically ( gastric bypass), and my fiance’ thinks that when I have the excess skin removed that I will be looking for love in all the wrong places. Nothing could be farther from the truth. He looked great, and I too want to look great both for him and myself. I believe that the two of us can compliment one another. Maybe if you express it to your husband that way, he’ll think about it differently! Good luck on the weight loss, and keep up the good work.
ive heard men complain about thier wife being fat your husband may be jeoulouse because your losing weight and men is looking at you but you can’t help it if men stares
Sounds like he is the one with the problem. Many men complain if there wife puts on a few pounds. Here you are looking & feeling better and he wants you fat so no one looks at you. Tell him you you want the guy who was not insecure back.
He is joules!Because you are a lot more attractive to other man! That’s why I have join the gym to lose weight and get my husband’s attention back through jalousie from other mans attention towards me. He mans that he wants you back in the dark, where he wasn’t in danger of losing you, not that you put attention to all those eyes on you, but before he didn’t had to share you with other eyes. You know what I mean, Good that he feels that way so he will take more care of you and see that you have always exited. He will not divorce you unless you want to. Not now that you are in shape and other guys admire you, AAA! He is just simply joules all over again. Good Luck! He should be glad that he has what other guys want are look at, because they can’t have because it is taken straight from the heart and plus in peppers. In other words he has what other envy!!!
Your husband is insecure…..and perhaps part of why he feels insecure is because he views you as an “object” instead of a fully capable woman. Search for “object relations” on the Internet to learn more. If, indeed, he’s viewing you as an object (and from what you’ve written, it’s clear to me he is)….unless he becomes aware of the damage it’s causing and gets help and does his inner work and practices “healthy” attitudes, behaviors, and actions, then it’s time for you to re-assess your choices. Keep in mind that first, he must become aware and then he must want to change…..with all the personal work in front of him, it may take a long while before he evolves into a truly emotionally heathy and mature partner.
Gee, humans by nature are not static — we’re dynamic…and change on some level, to some degree every day! Can you meet with him in an emotionally-neutral place to list all the ways in which you each have changed since your first date? Maybe he’ll then better understand the concept.
If a person is insecure, they usually feel they’re inadequate in some way….can you engage him in a non-threatening discussion for him to identify any areas in which he feels he doesn’t measure up? (Or would that be a talk for him and a therapist?)
You’ve obviously evolved….and since you’re on a whole new page, you’re able to “see” him from your new, more mature perspective. It may be too much for you personally and for the relationship to bear the new stressors of dealing with an insecure partner…..if you knew how he was when you were dating, would you have moved forward with him?
In choosing to be insecure, the man is missing out on a wonderful time in your life. You deserve a partner who is as healthy as you are, on every level.
Congratulations for getting healthy for your Self! Good for you! Kudos!!!!!
Good Luck!
cONTINUE TO DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO LOSING WEIGHT AND STAYING HEALTHY IS THE THING TO DO! iF YOUR HUSBAND CANT DEAL WITH IT THEN IM SURE YOULL FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL LOVE THE NEW SKINNY YOU SKINNY IS IN OBSECE IS GROSS
I think your husband is feeling insecure. Make him realize that you still love him but you also want to feel good about yourself. He needs to stop being selfish. If others look at you let them look your not doing anything wrong, unless your dressing differently and acting different. Everyone looks. Im pretty sure your husband looks when your not around, but that doesn’t mean anything.
Good for you, losing weight! Just reassure him you love him very m;uch.
He is feeling insecure due to your weight loss. Inform him that you love him and always will. But the weight loss is important to your health and maybe he would like to join you. Make it a couple’s thing. That might improve his attitude(even though he will probably say no).
Lavish him with your tender charms. This is what he fell in love with. Demonstrative assurance should squelch his fear. His insecurity is his NOT yours. Honor your health. It would be selfish of him to expect otherwise of you. Besides, you’ll be around much longer to love if you stay healthy, right? #1, keep communication open. If he keeps whimpering, see a councilor, It’s worth it. He’s feeling a degree af weakness, anyway, when yu look at it. Dig it up and bury it! AGAPE
I think thats just jeoulousy…you keep losing that weigh.
It sounds like your husband is insecure and actually thinks no-One else will want you if you are heavier. Theres a lot of men in this world that Like heavier women. He should be happy for you and Trust you, as long as he has no reason to think other wise. Ask him to diet with you. Reassure him losing weight is the best thing for your health, and that he will always be #1 in your life..
He’s feeling insecure and the best thing you can do is constantly tell him that he is the man for you and you dont have any plans of going anywhere…
Congrats on the weight loss and don’t stop until you are happy…
I would have to say that he shouldn’t be acting like that just because your losing weight. your self esteem is important if you don’t feel good about yourself how are you suppose to be happy with yourself. I think that he is afraid of losing you to someone else.
well send him a love note each day, Good for you on your
weight loss. I wish you the best.
First, let me congratulate you on your weight loss. It’s not uncommon at all for the husband to react this way when the wife is losing weight & getting extra attention from others. He shouldn’t feel threatened but he is, probably due to a security issue within himself. Before you lost weight, he felt secure in his marriage because you weren’t getting all that attention. Now, you are, & he can’t handle it. You’re right, you are still the same person on the inside, but try & convince your husband of that. You don’t see the attention others are giving you but apparently, he does. Maybe when you’re out in public, he sees men turn around & look at you. He shouldn’t feel threatened, if anything, he should feel proud that he’s married to you & proud of how successful you’ve been in losing weight & becoming even healthier. I’m sorry there’s stress in your life right now, but perhaps you two should enter into therapy, so he can learn how not to feel threatened by your new look. I’ve seen shows on tv about couples such as yourself are going through & it’s not always easy. Just give it time & reassure your husband how much you love him & lost weight first for yourself & tell him how good you feel about yourself now that you have lost weight. He should be so proud of you & I’m sure deep down he does but he’s insecure & therefore, he’s not verbally telling you what you need to hear from the one person who matters the most…..him. Good luck & hang in there! You’ll just have to wotk through it together somehow.
You should sit down and talk to him, tell him your losing weight because you’d feel much better and healthier in doing so. Reasure that you love him very much but that you are doing for yourself.
If you feel good about your weighloss, then don’t worry about it. Sounds like, he is just jealous. Has he actually threatened divorce or is he just insecure of the attention? He should be encouraging you to feel better about yourself and if lossing weight does that, than he should support you.
some men are insecure. he is one of them. i doubt he wants a divorce. explain that diet leads to a healthy person and you dont want to die of a stroke one day. Ask him if he wants you “fat” and unhealthy paying medical bills? Im sure the anwer is NO.